Rites of Passage/Seasons

Jan 2008

Usually when we speak of “rites of passage,” it refers to the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Just as a garden experiences its seasons, so must we transition from one form to another. It has been my experience that in our society, many of us have bypassed this passage in favor of perpetual puberty. The publicity-seeking, narrow-hipped, long-legged, skinny models of perfection and grownup little boys paid well to play with a ball are symbolic of a culture where youth is adulated. Let us take a moment to peer inside the soul of the adulators.

The adulators are those who renounce their own lives in favor of acting as spectators of others who seem to be participating in the “real” game of life. These live to watch others and perhaps imagine they are someone else. They are more than just the groupies, the sycophants, the flatterers; they are the sad, silent majority who give up their very lives to rub elbows with the rich and famous, even if it is only in their imaginations. Well, it’s the trendy thing to do.

The Urban Dictionary uses words such as “wannabes” and “fake” in its definition of “trendy”. Maybe within their desire to be trendy are sleeping souls whose true longing is to discover who they really are. I hope so, because where they exist is cold and dark and confusing. Maybe they are getting a little sick of prostituting the self to others. Maybe adulators simply wish to be accepted, as do we all. However, if one has to betray oneself for that acceptance, then it’s a miserable existence.

Is it possible for adulators to escape from this type of slavery and begin to really live? Maybe, but it requires a rite of passage to do so. To enter within this passage, one must be willing to experience the full range of emotions from agony to ecstasy and all points in between. One’s “way of seeing” must change in order to open the floodgates of the truly emotional life. This means that the many forms of sedation must fall by the wayside.

How does modern man sedate himself? Pharmaceuticals, of course. Or televison or alcohol or computer games or pornography. I could list at least a hundred more, but you get the idea. Does this mean that anything that soothes us must be avoided? Of course not. Once the transformation has come about, we naturally find ways to relax that do not dim our awareness; a glass of wine with friends, a hot bath, loving sex, deep breathing. Sometimes the concepts of relaxation and sedation get confused. As long as legitimate anxiety is allowed its voice, neurotic anxiety will not appear begging to be sedated.

What is legitimate anxiety? Anything that bothers or worries us should be examined closely, not shooed away with sedation. Before we “treat” any physical ailment, we should scrutinize its origins. Our psyche/soul seeks to communicate with our conscious mind and if we aren’t paying attention, it will materialize as pain or discomfort in our bodies. Why do I have this sore throat?

Maybe my throat hurts because Aunt Ethel came to visit today and I remember the time when I was a child and she severely beat me for expressing my opinion. Now when I see her, I unconsciously shut down my power of speech. I resolve that the next time she visits I will tell her how I feel. Bingo, sore throat gone. Try it, it works. A side benefit to this might be a deepening of my relationship with Aunt Ethel. Or she might go away and stay away. Either way, it’s okay.

Either way, I’m left a little lighter for listening to the still, small voice within me. Sometimes this heaviness we feel is due to small burdens easily shed. Other times, it’s a big one, one packed with a painful emotional charge. Maybe confronting the more powerful demons will risk severing long-term relationships. This is when we must step back and consider if we can “live without” a particular person or persons.

So many human relationships are parasitic. For me, I would rather be alone than suffer a parasite, a leech that leaves me drained. Honesty is truly the best policy. Plastic may last a long time in the landfill, but it should not be the operative word used to describe relationships. Anyone who wishes a deep relationship with me must be willing to lay it all on the line, as must I. As each layer of my real self is exposed to the light of day, a small rite of passage has been accomplished and an opening into ecstasy made possible.

A rite of passage refers to the transition from adolescence to adulthood. It’s a real challenge to reach maturation in our society. We are programmed to believe we can make our dreams come true simply be rubbing up against what we want, that there is no price to be paid for happiness and contentment. Just as there is the manifestation of seasons in the garden, so are there rites of passage, should we choose to accept the challenge.   

May 2012

July 2012

October 2011