Adventures in Lumberjacking

Requiem for a Tree

Well folks, I’ve been struggling in frustration to log on to this account. The powers-that-be wiped off my automatic access and I’ve periodically wrestled with the technology, each time giving up before the problem was solved. I finally resolved it and am back able to blog again. On top of that, sweet husband changed the program that downloads photos and I can’t unload my camera into the computer anymore. It takes several “practice times” for me to learn new tech. It’s no fun being a technomoron nowadays!

Hacking Away

Anyhoo, to get caught up. There’s nothing much new in the soap kitchen, so I’ll relate our Lumberjack Tale.

Old Man in a Tree

 As soon as the snow melted off, we decided it was time to take down the service berry tree that was planted from a mere shoot in 2002.

Bent Arborvitae--don't worry it's ok

Because it was a tiny twig dug (with permission) from the forest at my old college grounds, we thought it was a bush that would stop growing at 8-10 feet.

We've Only Just Begun

Well, it wasn’t like the other twigs we dug and replanted that day and once it hit 10 feet, it accelerated and didn’t stop. Instead, it grew 3-4 feet a year until it was suddenly 40+feet tall, shedding nasty purple berries in the neighbor’s driveway and reseeding a million babies under its canopy.

Your Truly Setting Ropes

On top of that, it developed a crack down the trunk and we knew it was just a matter of time until it split and fell potentially causing property damage.

Missed the Fence!

The tree service quoted us an outlandish price to take it down, so we decided to do it ourselves. First, we went on youtube and fully acquainted ourselves with DIY tree cutting disasters. Not wanting to kill ourselves or take out the pergola or smash our neighbor’s house or fence, or down the electric wire to the cottage, we proceeded with caution.

Last Limb

Eventually, sweet husband’s bad knee couldn’t take the ladder work, so guess who got to monkey up and down the ladder? He does, however, have a doctorate in physics, so he devised a way to saw limbs from the ground and once the ropes were in place, knew which way to direct the crap to fall.

Maybe now the stunted arborvitaes will grow

When the last limb came harmlessly tumbling down (weeks later), we heartily congratulated one another on it not falling on our heads or any other valuable property.

The Malevolent Crack

Whew! Not too bad for a couple of Seniors, huh?

Unrequited Love, The Ground Ivy Story

It’s a typical love story: Nemesis and me. I belong to Her and She to me. Even though I’ve been most cruelly rebuffed, I will not stop, for to be in her garden is the highest honor. My name is Glechoma Hederacea, but you can call me Charlie. I am totally enamored by the beauty of Nemesis. I guess I said that before. If you expect a photo of me here you'll be sorely disappointed.

Garden of Nemesis 2008

 I love the Goddess’s grass, Her strawberry beds, Her flowers. I’m the perfect companion plant. Give me too much shade and I’ll scoot across the top of others if I have to. I wrap the arms of my runners, some over thirty feet, around, under, over and through. I’m a survivor and I’m here to stay.

Garden of Nemesis 2012

That Caretaker person in the Garden of Nemesis keeps chasing me off before I can even prove my value. She doesn’t want me here and calls me an eyesore and accuses me of murdering other plants by my aggression. Whatever. Maybe I am a little too available.

Sunflowers 2012

It’s in my nature to be smothering and controlling, after all, I’m a Mint and us Mints don’t screw around. Still, the Caretaker has the unmitigated gall to call me CREEPY! Can I help it if I have to sneak around just to say around? As a proud member of the Mint Family, I trace my roots back to the dawn of time. When my ancestors were created, we Mints were given the power to heal people like that Caretaker! When she gets sick, you watch, I’ll be one of the first she calls. I’m just lucky she doesn’t use toxins, or I may have been poisoned by now.

She thinks the stupid grass is so great, why it doesn’t even flower! In comparison, I produce dainty purple flowers every spring. I have a fresh fragrance. I am handsome in my own way. If she ever tasted me…well, she’d cherish and respect me. Instead, she works daily to eradicate me.

Russian Sage 2012

My country cousins have invited me to their rural habitat where I can be largely ignored and flourish uninhibited; I won’t leave. I was here before The Garden of Nemesis and its Caretaker and I will be here long after they are both gone. To resist old Charlie is futile. 

Critters

In the same way we like certain plants and reject others that we call weeds, we are particular about what critters wander in our urban gardens. Many animals are drawn to the Garden of Nemesis because there is ample water. Last year, we had a nice little family of opossums. Unfortunately, the poor mother had a time keeping her young ones alive. One morning I jumped a foot when I saw one in the bottom of the pond. Another morning I found a young one on the path, dead of unknown causes. The third one disappeared. It was time to relocate the mom. We ingeniously used an animal trap, using cat food as the bait. Look what we caught the first morning.

I imagine Arthur was pretty excited to find the cat food so conveniently located for his midnight prowl. Then he got scared and really, really mad when he discovered he was trapped. We’re talking kitty post-traumatic stress disorder.

The second night we caught the right animal, who took a nice ride out of the city.

Japanese Beetles

I wore shorts yesterday, finally! The season is so cool that the Japanese beetles haven’t even burrowed up from their lairs. The grapes are lovely, the beans unhindered by attacks from these voracious plant predators. Of all the pests, I dread the JBs the most.

JBs did not originate here, thus have no enemy save man. Neem works but not perfectly. I hate spraying, as I always seem to have mechanical problems. Bee balm grown close to beans, I found out by accident, really helps. Handpicking is tedious and never-ending. The good news is, JPs rarely kill plants, just make them look tattered and off-color.

I have been denied the beauty of roses, Rose of Sharon, hollyhocks and pussy willows, as they are favorites of JPs. It broke my heart the day I asked my husband to cut down that early blooming pussy willow. I refuse to give up certain food crops because of those bugs!

I have come to a certain measure of acceptance that the garden, along with life, me and all else are all a little tattered around the edges.

Be Vigilant and Fight Dirty

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck? The answer is “none,” but he sure can chuck up your veggies. Ever since we’ve lived here, we’ve had an ongoing war with the furry creatures. Our philosophy has always been to share of the abundance from the Garden of Nemesis with human and animal friends. However, when one of our buddies gets greedy to the detriment of the rest of us, we must put a stop to it.

My garden journal records various methods that failed. It seems an armed guard on 24-hour duty is the only foolproof method. The problem is this: one raid from this voracious eater can devastate plants to the point they will not recover. We’ve noticed that late May and early June are the most vulnerable time and groundhogs prefer late afternoon attacks. These guys sleep all winter and eat all summer in preparation. 

I suppose you were hoping for a surefire answer to the woodchuck problem. Forget it. Take it from a veteran of this war; it’s best to be vigilant and fight dirty.